Memoirs of a Sarcastic Intern Chapter II

CHAPTER II

The Interview


[RECAP]

Phone almost Destroyed. An Interview Chance almost missed. The mystery call.


As far as I was concerned, I along with couple of my class-mates had our interview scheduled with this consultancy firm, Assuredjobs on the 10^th of June. So, where did I just get this call from?

I though of calling her back. But then I thought about it for a minute. The person on the other end would be like, Abey tune khud apply kia tha, bhul gaya? It wouldn’t be very professional of me. Bad idea.

I immediately turned on my laptop, as when your memory fails, always rely on empirical evidence. Seeing the verdant Dehradun Sun going below the horizon, I recalled that I had applied for internship in a couple of companies few months back. So I fired up my mail and checked the list of sent mails. I saw that I had sent internship application to two firms in mid-March, Tacky Minds and Consulting India.

So I was like okay, “It has got be one of these two firms.”

I quickly fired up my browser and entered both the names on Google search. Doing this led to both of their websites and I noted down all the important points….vision and mission, organisation goals………You know, how you burn the midnight oil and try to become expert in a subject the night before the exam.

I knew my best shot would be to get enough details of both these companies and bring my A game for the interview, and none would be the wiser. It wouldn’t matter as landing an internship in any of these companies would be great. The plan almost worked but what happened the following day was just a myriad turning out of events.

June 9^th, 2016……Break of Dawn

I had received her text the previous day regarding the venue of the interview. I had everything sorted out….I would attend this interview today, be it Tacky Minds or Consulting India, doesn’t matter; and the Assuredjobs interview along with my mates the coming day. Two firms, two interviews, I need to crack one. The odds looked good.

So, I put on my formals, tie, black shoes….the entire charade, trying to looking my professional best. I look into the mirror, and with my receding hairline, all I could infer was…Bhai, Chutiya lag raha hai

As I stepped out of my room, I got a call from the Reliance Jio guys that my new 4G connection was pending and I need to visit the store to rectify some documentation errors. I was like, if everything goes great I would land the internship and a 4G connection, like the two best things to happen in life, all in one day. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. I smirked at this prospect.

Since I had already spent a year in Dehradun, I knew every nook and corner of the city…courtesy of late-night drunk drives, drawing the windows down of the Landlord’s Safari 4X4, music loud enough to wake the dogs and urchins of the city, resting comfortably in their sleeping-bags in the bone-chilling cold of Dehradun’s winter night. This mostly resulted in me missing classes next day, absolutely hammered with a hangover of nightmarish proportion.

Anyhow, I reached the venue just in time. The message that I got read Rajashree Complex, Tagore Villa, and I kept panning my eyes to catch the names of either Tacky Minds or Consulting India. But to my utter shock, when I entered the complex, the first thing I saw was the name, ‘assuredjobs.com’ on top of the office-front.

“Bhenchod…ye kya.” I was supposed to have my interview with them on the 10^th, not today. 

I immediately unlocked my phone to check the date, fearing that I somehow managed to sleep an entire day, much like the Bollywood flick, with Ayesha Takia in the lead, where she was roofied, and she forgot an entire day in her life. (If you guys still remember the move)

I was relieved to see that it was indeed 9^th of June. But that still didn’t answer the question- The fuck is Tacky Minds or Consulting India. I thought of dialing my friend’s number to check if there had been any change in the interview schedule. It’s then I realized I neither had any balance nor an internet pack. Brilliant!

Finding no other option, I reluctantly opened the door and let myself in. I was surprised to see the office’s ambience. It was nothing to write home about. The receptionist’s chair had been replaced by the Inverter Battery. For a second I had myself believing that the Inverter would magically convert itself into a human to greet me. Who knows, maybe the office guys had some new imported robot from Japan…you never know, Japanese people are crazy smart.

Alas! I was disappointed as the inverter remained mute. I should blame myself for my crazy thoughts.

I saw a girl sitting on the couch nearby attending calls. I don’t want to sound racist here, but going by her looks I took she was from the North-east. One of father’s friend had told me that most consultancies would hire employees from different ethnicities, so that it would be easier to build a rapport with the candidates.

She told me to take a seat and said that someone would be with me shortly. I panned the periphery of the office and took a seat. As soon as I was seated, a lady or should I say, girl walked in.

“Hi Anupam, its Bhawna. You had a chat with me….

Okay, so you are that elusive Bhawna. Bhawna, Bhawna…remember the name you idiot. I made a mental note.

I should mention I tried getting up to shake her hand. But the weird office couch had my belt buckle gouged in it, with the belt getting stuck between the cushions. I just couldn’t stand up in time…..the moment was gone. I was like…… Brilliant, that’s a nice first impression. She might be thinking…Beizzati, no respect!

She took my CV and told me to wait for a couple of minutes. She came back and said that before proceeding with the interview she would like to ask me some questions.

I thought, Ye lo...Intern ka interview lene ke liye intern ko hi bhej dia.

The interview progressed, with the usual barrage of questions one would expect in a job interview…tell me about yourself, why HR, etc

I could notice that she was rather flummoxed. I was sure it her first interview too, as an interviewer. She kept on asking the same question she had already asked during our previous telephonic-interview.

Jesus, this is getting boring.

She ended the interview with the question, “What do you mean by Women empowerment?”

I had a lot of clever wise-ass jokes to respond with. But I held myself back, as I don’t want to sabotage my first ever internship. So, I went ahead and gave her a curated and politically safe response. She seemed satisfied and told me to wait for a little while, till she gets the feedback.

2….5….10 minutes had passed. I was getting frustrated, as I still had no idea what happened to my friends who had their interview scheduled too. I looked outside the door and noticed that there were around a dozen Activa’s and Dio’s, and just one lone bike, Splendor, parked in the corner, like a disgraced and abused memento of the past.

“Hi,” came a voice from behind

“I am sorry you had to wait. I had to take some urgent calls.”

Accha aap ho Big Boss of the company….Wait, he doesn’t look anything like the person that I had a chat with regarding my internship. The Fuck! Ye kya ho raha hai mere saath. I remember the profile pic of the guy on Whatsapp was way different. I remember the guy whose name I saved on my cell had quite some hair, small face and built. So, where in hell did this dude come from? I didn’t think much as the day was only getting weirder.

I answered, “It’s no trouble.”

So he then started with his own set of questions. Since he was the big guns of the firm, I made sure my answers seemed mature and plausible. I couldn’t make out his expressions, as his face always remained static, with no change in emotion, unlike Bhawna, who always kept smiling.

I was relieved, when he said, “You seem to be a good enough candidate. As you have already mentioned, you can join from the 15^th of June, and I will mail you the offer letter soon”

I thanked him and rose from my seat, which almost felt like eternity. As I began packing my things;

Shit, I forgot to ask about my classmates’ interviews.

“Excuse me, Sir.” “Couple of my friends were also interested in the internship. Was wondering when they would be having their interview.”

“I am sorry, but we had only one intern position open, and we offered that to you.”

“Okay. Sure, I will let my friends know.”

My friends would be so pissed off.

Coming out of the office, I immediately went and did a recharge, and called my friend. I dialed the friend from whom I had got the information regarding the internship

“Hello, Vaneet.”

“Sun mera interview ho gaya”

He asked, “Where?”

“You wouldn’t believe this weird thing happened. I actually had my internship with this Tacky Minds and somehow I ended at assuredjobs”.

He was like, “Somehow ended at assuredjobs. Explain to me how you go for interview in one and end at another.”

“Bhai, mat puch….

So I gave him the details of what happened. I could make out from his voice that he sounded dejected and sad. After all he was the guy who made the effort of finding this company, calling the manager up, setting the date for the interview, and at last this ungodly shit happened.

“Thik hai bhai…Let me call him and see what’s going on.”

I began walking towards the Vikram stand (for those of you who don’t know what it is, Vikram aka Trekker, Auto Rickshaw or as I like to call it….. thuh thus ke sawari bhare jane wali char pahiya chalak)

It’s then that I recalled that I would be getting Rs 3000 as stipend for my internship. I don’t care about the money….all I could see think of was my favourite thing in the world, CHICKEN, 3000 worth of it. I roughly translated that to around 15 kiIos. 15 kilos, hell yeah! I could literally see chicken wings and breasts, tandoor kebabs hanging in the periphery. NICE!

As I was about to board a Vikram, Vaneet called.

“What happened?” I asked

He replied, “I told him that one of my friend had already given the interview, and I would like to know when our interview is scheduled?”

“Phir kya hua”

“Phone kaat dia bhenchod”

I told him that there was only one intern position opened, and maybe he didn’t want to face the awkward situation.

“Ye bhi koi tarika hai,” he said angrily and hung up.

I guess I would be mad too if that were to happen to me.

Meanwhile, I realized that I had one more thing to care of. I visited the Reliance Jio store, and to my surprise the documents got rectified almost immediately. I got a message of confirmation and my 4G connection was activated immediately. Behold unlimited data, calls and text till the network commercially launches. NICE! Things are weirdly falling in place for me. Zaroor pichle janm me kuch acche karm kiye honge…

The day had begun with me vying to kill two birds with one stone. I did, and although there was victory for one, heartbreak for another; I could rest in peace in the thought that I would have dollops of chicken wings and Full HD movies to while my way during the Dehradun Monsoon.