Memoirs of a Sarcastic Intern: Chapter III

CHAPTER III

First Blood

Day 166, 2016……When vampires retire to their coffins...

I was all buckled up for my first big day. Nothing much changed from the usual routine. Of course, looking at the constant downpour only made me tap the snooze button endlessly, 5 more minutes, 5 more minutes…….

Sleep can sometimes be all-engrossing; and seeing the heavy drizzle through the window only made my resolve to wake up even weaker. Like the one time I was so prepped up for an interview, that I remain up all night, only to go to sleep around 3 in the morning. When the alarm clock kicked in couple of hours later at 5 am, my brain just couldn’t decipher the information. The TRING, TRING, TRING....noise made me more mad.

Ye bandh kaise hota hai……

In my dreary-eyed state, I entirely forgot that there was an OFF switch. Instead, I ripped apart the clock, threw the batteries away and dived right into the bed. But not this time.

“Get your lazy ass off the bed,” I told myself.

The office time was from 9 am to 6 pm. I had heard of 9-5 routine, so where did that extra hour come from. Must be very hard-working people….

I reached the office with enough time to spare. The Boss, coolly reclined against the wall, newspaper in his hands, let me in with a welcoming gesture…..Welcome to my world, Bro! 

I enter and there I see Bhawna, with her ubiquitous smile. Along with her, I see some other curious faces. They might be going…Accha ye naya intern hai

I peek around only to see that the office was rather small. I thought this is where the employees gather for morning tea-break or something, seeing the water-filter nearby. They have their chit-chat and later might move on to their respective cabins.

I ask Bhawna, “Office kaha hai?”

“Yehi toh hai”….

What? Seriously? My parents’ living room is larger than this….

“How many employees work here,” I ask her, perplexed.

“Around 10,” she replied, not getting the reason of my confusion.

Jesus, we won’t qualify to even make a cricket team. Brilliant!

My idea of a workplace was where multiple departments co-exist across floors and spread through acres of land, at least that’s how most PSUs are designed. I recall, in PGCIL, where my dad used to work, one had to walk half a kilometer to go from the reception to the Operations Department. I could already imagine myself being trapped for eternity. Okay, that’s a stretch……

Well, I reassure myself, “Great things always start with humble beginnings”

As the clock struck 9, more employees started pouring in. One thing I noticed was that the workplace consisted entirely of the fairer sex. I was like, “with whom am I going to crack wise-ass jokes now?” as I have often been told that my sense of humour can be candid and crass, not suitable for polite society. To be quite honest, not the kind of crowd I am comfortable with. Cozy workplace and lack of comic relief. Brilliant!

The day started with the usual nitty-gritty of an office-life. Since I focused on Recruitment process, I was given the task of job postings on various portals. When it comes to computers, I am at my absolute best. For me it was like a walk in the park. Supplemented by my new 4G connection and couple of keyboard shortcuts; by the end of the day I had completed couple of hundred individual postings.  

By noon I was getting tiresome. I had the notion that only physical work made one hungry. I was wrong. Sitting on my ass all his while made me famished. If I had to wait any longer, I swear I could eat another soul alive.

One of my colleague announced that it was time for lunch. I swear I had never been happier to hear those words, “Its Lunch”

After lunch, I enter the office, and the first thing my eyes laid on was what looked like a mashed up cake; like someone had robbed it of its beauty. Ye kahan se aya. Birthday, maybe….

A lady whom I later come to know as Tanya, offered me a piece. I thank her, still unsure of the occasion. The half-eaten cake read 5 minutes…Hmm…Wonder what that might stand for

I later came to know that Tanya had completed a year in the office. A year. Jesus! Don’t know how you survived that long. Respect. You deserve not one, but a dozen cakes, one each for every month.

After the double delight, they settled back to their usual routine. I peeked over the different A4 sheets which listed the various job openings and the incentive plan for each category. My eyes didn’t catch the sum of money. All it could see was CHICKENNNNN…more CHICKENNNNN…

“Stop daydreaming,” I told myself.

As I moved to my seat, I saw a colleague in the adjacent cabin making a weird face…the kind a person makes when they are having a seizure. I almost ran up to her to stop her from tipping over, but then I saw what had become the torch-bearer of 21^st century India. SELFIES!

Her smartphone in one hand, V sign with another, like she had just signed the International Peace Declaration; and what urban folks like to call pout-face or duck face. All hail the Selfie Queen. Johann Zahn, the inventor of camera would be really proud.

All in all, it wasn’t too shabby for a first day. I boarded a bus, all the while cursing the inefficient Dehradun public transport system. It’s a wonder how people still make it alive back home at the end of the day.

On reaching my room, I didn’t have any energy left for the usual shenanigans. After an untimely dinner, I retired for the day. Now I realize how Rick Grimes feels after fighting those zombies all throughout the seasons, and still being able to keep an optimistic face.

I guess, we all live to die another day.