Memoirs of a Sarcastic Intern: Chapter V
CHAPTER
V
The End of the Beginning
Day 287, 2016…….Winter is here
As the first leg of companies start to arrive
at the campus for placements, I feel this to be an apt time to conclude the
ramblings that I had started during the course of my internship. This is a first
of a kind, long-term writing project that I had undertaken, something I have to
say made me see the world in a whole new light.
The basic premise of this memoir was to
present my internship experience in a comical verse, as best as I can with a
couple of past memories thrown in. Now, looking back there are certain events
that most notably stand out from the rest.
Before moving ahead, I think there are a few
people who should be given honorable mentions. There’s the cheerful Reneesme,
who dreams of travelling the wild-west with her husband, the Holy Trinity of Senior Managers – Mr.
Sunil Pathran, Mr. Amit Kumar and Mrs. Jyoti Pathran. On first look the trio seems
like a gang of old college friends, something that their Facebook Pics scream
out loud. For the first week, I took Mr and Mrs Pathran to be siblings, jointly
running an organization and Mr Kumar as the significant third wheel.
There’ also the girl next door who worked for
a Pharma company. I swear every time I saw her, her eyes were glued to the TV
hanged on the wall. I bet she gets paid to watch Television.
One fine morning, I was taking MS Excel
lessons from the girl who shall not be
named, as she promised to kill me in my sleep if I did. The Boss, Mr Pathran and Prerna, the
co-intern were going over their tasks for the day, when Prerna out of the blue
goes, “OH SHITTT,” in her usual shrill voice. I was startled and looked back to
see a hideous rat, the size of a shoe
creeping by.
Mr Pathran looks at me and goes, “Mar do isse”
“Maar
do?”…….. What am I the designated Skywings rat-killer?
I get up and instead open the door and let
the poor soul out.
Rats and I have a bad history. Back when we
were kids, a Sikh family had moved in the neighborhood. Mrs Kaur called us for dinner
the following evening. We were looking for a tennis ball in their basement,
when we came across a large cylindrical keg. Opening the keg was a sight of
pure disgust. There was an entire colony of rats breeding inside. During that time,
Highway constriction was going on nearby. My brother had a genius idea of
pouring hot tar in the keg and setting it on fire. No sooner had he suggested
the idea, everybody’s eyes lit up with pure evil. So we managed to persuade a
Highway worker to help with our ordeal. He was weirdly much delighted to be a
part of this charade. The setting sun threw its vibrant colours across the
field where the mass rat sacrifice was to be organized. Since the tar wasn’t
ready, he poured kerosene into the can and closed it. A minute passed on and
nothing happened.
“Jal
gaye kia sab”, the young sardar howls.
“Itni
jaldi kaha,” the worker says
and gives the keg a vigorous shake.
To this very day I still vividly remember what
happened next. The lid burst open, and hordes of rats with their bodies on
fire, shot outside. The rats started running haywire across the field, looking
like little fireballs rolling on the ground against the evening sun. It was a
beautiful yet a horrific sight. The poor rats couldn’t even make it to the end
of the field, as most of them burned down mid-way. Couple of the lucky ones
escaped with just their tail burnt. The entire neighborhood had gathered to
watch the fire-Olympics and they began clapping as if we had accomplished a great
task. I am sure the curse of a hundred rats would rain down on me one day.
**********************************************************************
During the initial days, I would often fall
short of words and would have no idea what next to say to the candidates during
a call. I learned from Tanya that the best way was to prepare a kind of script
and stick to it while attending calls. I realized impromptu picking up calls
might not always yield the best result. Calls after lunch, when I felt sleepy
the most, would see me make the most idiotic conversations.
On one such particular call, I couldn’t
understand what the caller was going on about. I say to her, “I can’t make out
with you right now” when I should have said I can’t make you out. Add to this
the constant haggling with the candidates from Southern India, whom I had to
repeatedly ask for their full name.
“What’s your full name?”
“P Rao”, Sir
“P for?”
“P for Papaya”, Sir
Fuck
You! I didn’t even bother
to try anymore and hang up.
Communication gap was a word mostly used on answer
sheets in University exams. Well, welcome to the real world, I guess.
*************************************************************
The joining to line-up ratio was pathetic. I
had 199 prospective candidates lined up over the weeks and only 8 were able to successfully
crack the interview and join the company. That’s not even 10% of the total candidates
interviewed.
I would often joke to Mitushi that Skywings should seriously
consider setting up an online dating portal. That would act as a solace to the
rejected candidates – Job nahin to Date
sahin, the new Skywings Slogan.
A new event management firm had opened next
door and I would tell her, “This could easily double up as an office for Skywings
Matrimony. You get a job and wife under the same roof. Nobody leaves Skywings
empty-handed. Now, how rare is that?”
Mitushi and I were complete suckers for
online deals. We were big foodies and I would pull her leg showing her online
deals regarding various free and discounted food items – pastries, croissants,
and other delicacies whose name I can’t even pronounce. She would, in return,
point me to Jeevansathi.com, an online matrimony.
“Kab
tak single rahega. Your life partner is waiting right here.”
I smirk and get back to my work.
The six weeks at Skywings was a complete
joy-ride - from initial apprehensions to the great experience it turned out to
be. A special thanks to the girl who shall not be named who taught me ALT+TAB –
it has made a significant impact on my browsing speed. Big cheers to all the
folks over at Skywings for making this a memorable journey. It were the words
of wisdom and the Skywings Trademark banter that I would cherish for the rest
of my mortal life.
Comments
Post a Comment